I’ve Forgiven Him

I’ve forgiven him, she says

But start a conversation

And her bitterness will come spewing forth

I have forgiven him, she says

But to hear her speak about him

Is to hear anger in human form

She huffs and puffs

And blows her house down

Breaking her essence down

Physically, she breaks down

Mentally, she breaks up

Spiritually, she falls down

I do not hate him, she says

But if eyes were daggers

He would become a colander

Am over him, she says

But if hearts could be opened

Hers would be darkened by blame for him

Poisoning her from the inside

Stripping her of her person

Tearing her spirit apart

Yet she holds on tight to unforgiveness

Let go, let go, let go of him

Forgive, forgive, forgive him

Choose to heal, choose to live

Choose to let go and let God

23.06.2022: The Weird Day I’ve had

Today was a weird day. I forgot so many tasks and responsibilities. 

I had gotten my podcast ready on Tuesday and did a post on IG about it but forgot to post it until 3pm while lying on the massage table in the therapist’s room.

I had a meeting at 6:30pm on Zoom but forgot and went to the library where we normally meet. After parking my car in the parking arcade two floors above, I took the elevator down and as I stepped into the library, I remembered that the meeting was on Zoom.

I drove back home in a tizzy and got to the meeting late, missing most of the presentation, arriving breathless and flustered.

Well, lucky me, I sat down as they started the free writing bit and along came these words:

Being all mixed up

Late and forgetful

Not knowing what am supposed to do

Not remembering what am meant to do

I don’t understand

What have I had too much of?

What do I need much more of?

What have I dwelt too much on?

What do I need to dwell more on?

I hold my head in worry

I lift my hands in despair

Confused and worried

What is going on?

Am I losing my marbles?

Where do I go to find them?

Where do I need to go to?

Am still mixed up

Sad to say, still forgetful

I pray for you today, my son

I pray for you today, my beloved son

That celebrations will never cease in your life

That your milestones will not be delayed

That the lines will always fall for you in pleasant places

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my darling son

That people will go out of their way to help you

That for you, stumbling blocks will become stepping stones

That with joy and not misery, will you draw from the wells of salvation

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my precious son

That you will walk upon your high places

That you will be present on the day of your recognition

That you will be distinguished for excellence

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my adored son

That you will be a mentor to millions and a teacher to multitudes

That you will stand before kings and not before mere men

That you will be a solution provider to nations

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my cherished son

That your heritage will indeed be a good one

That you will be a blessing and never a curse

That your rising will bring lifting to many

And that life will be easy for you

In Jesus Mighty Name

All are Welcome

Leaving, staying

Happy, hurting

Online, offline

I still belong

Different, same

Familiar, peculiar

New, old

I am accepted

Speaking, silent

Quiet, loud

Vocal, reserved

I am heard

Conservative, liberal

Ordinary, radical

Outdated, modern

I can be myself

Old, young

Rich, poor

Educated, illiterate

All are welcome

Queens never let the darkness win

I woke up this morning and the dark clouds started to gather

They loomed threateningly over my mind

I tried to shake them off but they hung on tenaciously

With gnarled fingers and crooked nails

They began to sink their claws into my heart

Desperate to shake it off, I searched frantically for a release

I started a task in Word then moved on to another in Audacity

Stepped off that and jumped on Facebook

Sending messages, liking and loving but yet no change

Lots of activity but my mind was still in turmoil

The claws held on but I was not going to let it rest

Desperately I searched my heart and my world

Then I stumbled on a video reminder of my queenship

Monarchs sometimes have to fight for their kingdoms

Not because of what they did or said

But because this life is full of ups and downs

Those who keep their kingdoms don’t stay in the down

When they experience downs, they face it

They face the downs sometimes with courage

And sometimes scared to their pants

Sometimes with fingers firm and at other times shaking

But always never letting their sceptre go

We Queens never let the darkness win

We hold on to the glimmer from our hopes and beliefs

And we clamber out of the valley of darkness 

We make the climb focusing on that glimmer

We make the climb, bruised and bloody, but never giving up

We make the climb no matter how hard

Because that’s what Queens do

Reminded of who I was, I felt the darkness dispersing

A word from others today and a memory from yesterday

And this queen stood up, threw her shoulders back 

And took back her throne with her head held high

This time I am not just keeping my kingdom

Watch out for my expansion!

Some Mothers Can’t Celebrate #MothersDayWeekend

Courtesy https://pxhere.com/en/photo/745052

Yesterday I watched a mother and her son admire my friend’s works at her Art Show, and my heart hurt as I thought about how a God-given privilege has been cruelly snatched away from many by government-approved institutions like Child Welfare Agencies in Ontario, Canada, and the “developed world”. For many mothers, an evening with their child is not possible. They can no longer have those moments with their children because the system has deemed their families unsafe for their children. These mothers are not drug-using, addicted, jailed, sick or dead mothers but mothers who are doing their best to meet the needs of their children.

Mothers are being celebrated everywhere on print, radio, TV, billboards and the internet this Mothers Day Weekend. Among the celebrants and the celebrated are those who have been instrumental in taking away the joy of motherhood from others. Here in Ontario, foster-mothers, counselors and social workers take steps that cause children’s lives to be derailed and in some cases exterminated, and then they go home to celebrate on weekends like this. They do this backed by laws while birth-mothers mourn their losses. The phrase “in the best interests of the child” is touted at different levels and decisions taken remain in the worst interest of the child. Where a mother refuses to let go, parental-alienation tactics are used to ensure that the child rejects their mothers.

The law protects foster-mothers but birth-mothers are left floundering. A foster-mother gets a one-step complaint process with Ontario’s Ministry of Youth and Children’s Services but birth-mothers have to jump through hoops, before they get someone to listen to them, knowing that listening doesn’t mean action. The system funds group homes where children become drug users within a month, make truancy a habit, basically ruin their own lives and no-one cares. Birth-mothers watch with broken hearts and lives while the government-backed institutions destroy their children’s lives. They pray that their child will not be the body of the 16-year old found dead in an alley or the 18-year old whose body was found six months after being declared missing behind the group home where he lived. These birth-mothers hope and pray that their child will not be the next one to kill themselves or be killed while in care. They hope and pray they do not receive that news. They hope and pray that in spite of this system that punishes responsible birth-parents, that one day their children will truly be allowed to “live” again.

As Canada celebrates Mothers Day weekend, these mothers cry for justice, they cry out for change in this system. As you celebrate Mothers Day, lend your voice and your pen to the cries of these mothers who do not want to be celebrated for a weekend, but who want their children to receive the love they need to be balanced and successful, so that they will live lives worthy of being celebrated.

The Other Side of The Coin

I heard it many times, indeed I’ve heard it before

There are always 2 sides to a coin

Spoken, advised and counselled

I thought my side was the only side

Though I said otherwise, my actions spoke louder

Offenses, offended and offending

Constant turmoil was my lot

With friends, family and foes alike

No peace, no joy and no way forward

Stagnated, immovable with heart rended

Then along came Zhenyi, Bev, Randeep and Wendy

And they opened my eyes to new ways of seeing

Seeing, being and living life through new lenses

These coins had other sides

Dare to see the other side, I learnt

I did, and freedom was mine

Enlightened, I realized…

Am not a know-all, see-all and be-all

My past is not the only past and my present, not the only one

If I paused to listen and consider, I will find

There’s something beyond my sight and experience

Places I haven’t been and situations I hadn’t encountered

If I took the time to be patient, I will discover

Those lives I haven’t lived and moments still unmet

It took me a while, in a long and hard way

But I can tell you from this walk

There are indeed, 2 sides to every coin, even my own